The Blogs

Okay, time to try to clear up some confusion over our use of “we/us” for self pronouns. Not only would we like to try to clear things up, but help give a broad understanding of what a system is. Keep in mind there are no strict definitions or rules for systems, each case is unique. What one system finds acceptable does not mean it will apply to others, just as with any other identity topics. Some might like a term while some may feel it’s hurtful. If you are unsure; you can ask. That said, do not always expect an answer; some or all parts of this can be a very sensitive topic to talk about.

03 July 2020
So been having some communication breakdowns with people recently. We have spent some time over the last few weeks reflecting on it. Why did it break down, did a miscommunication happen, were words misunderstood, was body language misread. We didn’t want to just know what specifically happened with any of the breakdowns, but figure out the pattern, what connects everything.

Think of it like a math formula compared to just having some data points. If you just look at it in X1 case you do Y1, X2 case you do Y2, etc, then you might not know what X3 is. You need to know the formula. But how do you do that, you need enough data points to figure it out. In that example X3 could be Y4 or Y3, up by 1 or doubling.
02 February 2020
Okay, said we might do this, and we feel like it would be fun to. So, here we go, let’s just kinda go over our life from the past 10 years. Obviously not going super into detail, for one that would make this take forever, two we do not remember that much.

Well let’s start a bit before 2010, we graduated highschool in spring of 09 and moved from Maine to Utah in fall 09 for college. At the time we were dating someone from high school, so it became a long distant relationship. We went to some small school for computer science, it was an accelerated program, 2.5 years for a bachelor's, they promoted a lot of hands on learning and 9 months worth on internships. So college starts, things go smoothly for the most part. Grades were good, started making friends, not being near our partner was hard but we mostly made things work.
28 January 2020
Okay okay okay. Yes it has been over a week again. We blame our girlfriend this time. She hangs out over here most nights, and our planned time to blog is at 9pm. Doesn’t matter, we are pretty excited about the future right now! We have some really cool things coming up in life, and overall feeling happy with the direction life is going. Plus some big stress was lifted off us today!

Got our W-2 from our last job, and a few days ago we got our 1099 from our contract job. Did some rough tax estimates and it’s looking like we will owe less than half of what we planned for. We didn’t really save much money last year for taxes, not until like 2 months ago. But we have been managing to stay close to our budget and save 40-50% of our paycheck every month. We also checked our bank statements for the last 2 months, we have only been a few hundred over budget.
22 January 2020
So some weirdness has been going on last hmm… month or so? Hard to tell exactly. Our memory has been getting pretty hazy recently. It feels like the days have been melting away pretty fast as well. Now we think it’s likely one of three things, or some mixture of. General stress, medication, and us not sharing memories exactly how we thought. That last one is a pretty heavy subject, but it’s not inherently bad.

So, general stress, like, is there much more we have to say for this? Get stressed out, start having anxiety, spend most days in a pseudo panicked state. We have mentioned this stuff before on this blog a few times. If we don’t spend enough time managing our anxieties they overflow and make life hard. Being stuck in your own head and just dragging through the week makes it pretty hard to take in things that are happening.
13 January 2020
Well this sure has been the start of a new decade! Sense last blog post, went to New Years party, went to the doctor, stopped one of our medications, had our girlfriend meet our ex wife, got new contract for work, had a new roommate move in, wrote a letter to the CEO of the company giving us the contract, had a former good friend message us, went to session 0 for a new DnD campaign, hung out with girlfriend a few times, had a 3-4 day long panic attack. Oh boy! What an exciting two weeks!

Not even sure where to start unpacking all of this. Things were still bumpy from last month, and some of that stress carried over into this month. Not that big of a surprise, some of the things that happened were pretty big. Pretty sure we have already talked about this before, but sometimes stressful things start happening but before we have time to work through them more things get piled on. It’s just this kinda runaway effect.
12 January 2020
Jeez, December has been so busy. Mom was here from the 10th to the 24th and had our child from the 20th to the 25th. Met some new friends, started two partnerships with people, been hanging out with friends, new and old, just been a lot going on. Oh, we also worked on this huge new feature for work for about a month, it was pretty draining. So we haven't posted in two weeks, in that time we have started figuring out some good ways of knowing who is fronting. Along with that we are starting to learn who we each are and about each other.

30 December 2019
Hello! It has been a bit of time. We have been busy. Things were kinda, hazy for a while. It’s been hard to keep everything together. We think we have figured out most of what was going on, and how to fix things. It’s been working and things feel like they are becoming a little more stable again. A lot of things are trial and error, as well as getting back into routines after being knocked out of them.

Something big has been making sure we follow and keep up to date with our journal. It’s a very useful tool for us. If we follow our journal and fill it out, things are less stressful. We know what we have to do for the month, it shows how far into the month we are, and what days we will be busy. It’s a surprisingly useful tool for dealing with anxiety and planning your weeks/months.
14 December 2019
Big topic today, let’s see if we can fit it all in one post! So let’s go over a theory that we have been working on over the last 1-2 years. To a degree some of this will be pseudoscience, we do not have an education anywhere close to this. Let’s try to structure this a bit. First want to cover thoughts on human history, and move up to the present day, then finally give our prediction for a possible outcome, and how to move towards that.

Okay so humanity hit a decent level of human civilization somewhere between 300k-50k years ago. Rough numbers, exact details don’t matter that much. We put forward that humanity has not changed in that time. We have progressed in terms of technology, language, just general doing stuff. But what it means to be human hasn’t changed. Humanity has stagnated.
08 December 2019
Well, today was another rough day. Feeling better now, but had a few bad hours. We were working today, continuing this huge ticket we have been working on for a week, and it all just started to feel overwhelming. That feeling just kinda cascaded onto all the other anxieties we have been working hard on suppressing. Just one problem collapsed on another mentally and started having a bit of a panic attack. It started to subside for a bit, spent some time focusing on calming down and letting go of that anxiety. But then it came back harder.

It’s a difficult thing to talk about, even with people we are closer to. On one hand, we feel like talking about them gives them more weight, and we are trying to discard those needless worries. On the other hand, talking about them could be good and helpful. We are unsure how to balance that, and still trying to figure it out. Which, ironically enough, feels like anxiety itself.
05 December 2019