Depression can be rough

06 February 2017
So I think I’m going to switch up my schedule again. I want to start having fun playing games and working out eats a chunk of my morning up too. So here is the plan, starting on Wednesday, tomorrow I have to go to the doctors and it’s about 2 hours away with public transportation. I’m going to try to wake up early, around 9 or 10am. After I fully wake up, eat something, then I’ll go work out, come shower and write a daily blog post. Then I’ll do some game dev stream, write about it. Then at night I’ll do whatever sounds fun. I’m going to try to stream games more.

Why the change? Well I think it would just work out better if I have a more stable schedule, instead of just going to bed when I feel like it and sleeping for 10 hours. I think it will be rough for the first week or so, but I think it will be better for me in the long run. Also this will make it so I can try to start streaming working on my game at a more consistent time.

It’s been pretty tough without my pills. If you haven't noticed I haven't streamed working on my game the last few days, I’m just not feeling up to it. So I think something else I’m going to change is I’m not going to work on the weekend. Give myself a break every week so I can just hang out, and try not to worry about everything. I guess once I have everything all settled I’ll tell you guys what the new schedule is going to be.

Let’s just throw out a tentative thing right now, this will all be in MST. Around noonish I’ll post the daily blog, at 1PM I’ll start the stream. I don’t think the dev blog will every really be the same time every day. Like if I stream up to the point where I’m about to start raiding I’ll have to wait, as an example. Whatever just follow me on anything to know when I’m posting stuff.

That all out of the way, let’s talk a bit about bipolar/depression and medication. It’s only been about a week since I stopped taking my pills, and I can feel a big difference. While I was about to start working out, I didn’t do other stuff. I just kinda drank and play games for a few days. Just tried to do something to get me out of my own slump. I think this whole blog thing is really good at helping me keep track of my mental state. It’s really easy to figure out what is going wrong when I’m writing almost every day.

For me, I had a hard time to start taking pills a while ago. It took a break up for me to realise that I’m a little messed up. I knew I should be on something, but I didn’t want to be, it made me feel weak. But it’s just something you have to do. So if you are in the same place I was, just go to your doctor and talk to them about things. Another problem is when I ran out of my meds I would just stop taking them. It was hard for me to tell there was an issue. I’m pretty sure that’s how I lost a few jobs, thinking I was okay, but I just slipped into depression. Granted this time I didn’t refill my pills because I didn’t have the HSA card from my wife.

Alright I guess today was kinda light on content, sorry about that guys. But look forward to me starting to be more consistent on Wednesday. Also hope you guys have a good week, happy Monday.