Hello 2020

12 January 2020
Well this sure has been the start of a new decade! Sense last blog post, went to New Years party, went to the doctor, stopped one of our medications, had our girlfriend meet our ex wife, got new contract for work, had a new roommate move in, wrote a letter to the CEO of the company giving us the contract, had a former good friend message us, went to session 0 for a new DnD campaign, hung out with girlfriend a few times, had a 3-4 day long panic attack. Oh boy! What an exciting two weeks!

Not even sure where to start unpacking all of this. Things were still bumpy from last month, and some of that stress carried over into this month. Not that big of a surprise, some of the things that happened were pretty big. Pretty sure we have already talked about this before, but sometimes stressful things start happening but before we have time to work through them more things get piled on. It’s just this kinda runaway effect.

Luckily we have been sticking pretty well to our journal. At least keeping it updated and checking it. That has made things go quite a bit smoother. Still trying to get a better handle on following our calendar again. Clearly haven't been keeping up on blogging or side programming. But we have been keeping up on food, sleep, work, and some other things.

We still feel like we are making progress though, and that’s the main thing. So let’s break down some of the bigger things that happened, guess might as well do it in chronological order? So doctor/stopping medication, roommate moving in, contract/letter to CEO, message from former friend. The panic attack was big too, but it kinda was just most of these things happening that triggered it.

So not sure if we mentioned it before on the blog, but we have been wanting to try dropping bipolar medication for 2 or so months. We think it’s pretty likely a misdiagnosis. Sense being diagnosed bipolar we have realised we are trans, started hormones, diagnosis ADHD, likely had DID at the time till recently, and realised we were a system. But we think it’s been less stopping the medication that has been stressful, and more, what things will be like later on without it. Really just kind of scared and got way too worked up over it.

Having the new roommate is cool. We are friends with them and we have known them pretty well for a few months. They just wanted to move away from their previous place for 3-6 months. Just take a break and learn to be a bit more independent. They are staying in the room we were going to set up as a guest bedroom. It’s cool having someone around more often that is chill to talk to.

We got a new contract for work, because everything that happened with former friend/boss, and the first draft they gave us was pretty awful. It was a really generic standard programming contract. We felt like it showed a lack of trust, so we talked to our client about it, wrote some notes on the contract and showed him, he fully agreed and wrote up something to send to the CEO of the company that owns his company. The CEO then emailed us saying that those things seemed reasonable.

We then spent almost an hour writing an email to him. Half explaining why we didn’t like that first contract and half as a letter of introduction. We wanted to explain to him why we like this contract and why we feel like we need more trust from their end. We manage the whole companies tech stack alone, we work with one other person who managed the business side of the company. There needs to be that trust between us with how small the project is. The CEO ended up really liking the letter and replied positively to it, so that was rad!

Then message from our friend happened pretty recently, friday in fact. The last time we really talked with this person they called us emotionally abusive and then said they just want to be left alone. We told them ok and stopped messaging them besides work emergencies since technically they were still under contract. Then out of nowhere they sent a text over saying that they have been going through a lot in the last few months, and they understand some of the things we were saying more. Then they apologized for how they acted.

We ended up texting a bit that day, then texting more today. It feels really nice, like just picked back up where we were as friends almost. Maybe not as close but still feeling like friends. We are pretty happy they reached out to us, and hope we can start being good friends again. We really feel like they understood us, and we understand them. Don’t think we feel really romantic towards them, but just like, a really solid platonic supportive friend. It’s a big mess of emotions though, so who knows. We aren't going to worry about it too much and just see where things go.

So yeah, that’s a brief recap of everything that’s been going on. Honestly the panic attack really just started because we weren't able to catch some aniexties in time. Things just kept building, but we were able to get out of that funk and we are doing better now! It feels daunting but we really need to start working a little harder on a lot of things. We know once we do things will start to smooth out more. But we have already said a few times that we need to write more. We really do though, but it just feels like it’s a low priority, it isn’t.

Jeez another reason we need to start blogging more is so we can start focusing more on one thing or one day. Trying to cover like 2 weeks is rough. Alright, hope to see you guys tomorrow! :3