The Blogs

Well not much happened today. Just worked and then spend like an hour or so on the website. Most of it was just doing code cleanup, although got tab to display what type of blog is currently selected. Next up is to get filtering by date, then get next/prev button on the post pages themselves. Continuous work in progress, just like us. So sense had a pretty boring day, let’s go into the whole plural thing. Well guess it’s more of a story to show out we came to this conclusion.

Well let’s start when this whole thing started. Back when I was a child, on some level, I knew I was female. But everything just kinda became too much for me. Moved to a different state when I was 9, moved away from everyone I knew. The place we moved to was some small rural town. So with that, there was the social stress of, not knowing anyone going into middle school, kids being mean to the “weird” outsider, no one really knew about trans stuff, or LGBT in general. Mom didn’t really know anything either. On top of that, my whole life up to that point and beyond, most family liked to remind me how I was the first male in two generations, basically putting the family name 100% on me.
26 November 2019
Oh jeez, did not write all weekend, honestly, barely even wrote code. Although, did get paging working pretty good! Would talk about that, but just need to like, rant. Going to social events and parties is so fucking draining. Social life has been a total fucking wreck this last month. Don’t even know where to start with all that though. Already talked about the adderall. Not even sure what to cover first, but jeez just need to ramble ;_;

First night on adderall was hanging out with boss/best friend. Well former, but we will get to that part. Can’t give full context because not okay sharing personal details of others. But we were hanging out and talking, pretty deep emotional conversations. Asked her if could share something really terrifying in life right now.
25 November 2019
Oh hello there o/ had a busy day. Need to get this out quick so can go sleep. Had electrolysis today, it was pretty rough. For some reason, maybe being dehydrated or something, it hurt extra bad today. While there the electrologist invited me to this trans dinner thing she hosts like once a month. At the time wasn’t sure if was a good idea to go or not. Knew that it would be a good thing to get out of the house. While had a good time and got along with some people, it means that didn’t hit 40 hours. Going to have to do 3-4 hours of work this weekend, not that big of a deal though.

22 November 2019
Well it sure has been a while since an update was posted, hasn't it? About a year in fact! oh boy has it been, turbulent, to put it lightly. If you weren't aware, started transitioning at the beginning of the year. E day was 3/21, so it’s been 8 months! It’s been really great. But oh boy has a lot happened. Don’t think going to go too much into that today though, save it for an end of the year post. Ohh might do an end of the decade post too! So instead, let’s talk about some more recent events, and what is planned to follow!

So about a month ago started taking adderall. For the last like 3-4 years been going hard on mental health. Each mile stone hasn’t felt very major though. Started taking prescribed medication regularly, dealt with the pain of ex partner leaving, started working at a programming job again, started exercising more, started transitioning, had a really emotionally supportive friend. But there were still problems happening. For the last few months haven't been working as hard/good as needed to.
21 November 2019
Alright so, it's been a while. Sorry about that, life has been, rough. Things are still a bit rough, but I want to get back into making things. If you have been following what I've been up to, I've started making a web series covering random software engineering topics over on my YouTube channel, and doing some stuff on my github account. But I want to start doing stuff every day, even if it's only for two or three hours.

Saddly, currently, I can't stream, my computer is pretty bad right now. I have some computer parts but I just need some ram and I can start streaming again! Until then I will be doing my programming offline and just be posting development blogs here. Part of the reason I havn't started working on my game again sooner is because of this reason. I've thought about it thought, and while I would like to stream everything, I need to get working on my game again.
08 April 2018
Alright, it has been a while. Like almost half a year, things have been rough. The good news is, I’m trying to start work on my game again. I managed to open up Unity and Visual Studio and look around the code and start to get familiar with it again. It’s slow, but it’s a start. I do have a job now, so I can’t work on it every day like I was a while ago, but if I can start making progress again, I’ll be happy.

So I guess things are going to get personal now. Things have been really stressful and depressing. Like I said, I did get a job, but it’s at KFC. Bit of a step down from my last job, but it pays the bills. I just couldn’t find a job in my field, so right now I’m going to stay at KFC for a year or two while working on coding projects on the side. Then I’ll try to get back into dev work. I might stay at KFC longer if I get my own store, you get a percent of the profit as a general manager.
01 August 2017
Well I still haven't lost any weight, kinda a bummer, but I’m not going to let it stop me. Over the last week I worked out even less. I’ve just been really tired and sore even if I don’t work out the day before. I think I should maybe start taking daily vitamins or something. I eat pretty bad, I’m super picky, as I’ve mentioned before. So maybe if I start taking some vitamins my body will be more willing to do stuff.

Really I don’t have much of an excuse, I just need to push through this. So this week I’m going to really try hard to go at it. That’s the point of the work out blogs, to make sure if I start slacking off I can fix it within a week or two. So there’s nothing to bummed out about. If I gave up at the first sign of failure I’d never get anything done.
26 February 2017
So yesterday was sorta fun. I got to see my wife, but my kid was sick. They had to come to my place to pick up the HSA card so my son could see the doctor. Luckily my mother-in-law wasn't with them, and I managed to convince them to let me go with them.

Ooh right, don't worry, my son is fine. Just a sore throat and a small ear infection. We caught it early enough that the meds should take care of it. What does suck, however, my wife forgot to bring my longboard. It will make getting around a lot easier once I get it, ooh well.
21 February 2017
Well I really have nothing interesting going on in my life right now, so let’s tell a story. But first a small update on everything. I’m still working on my video game, progress is coming nicely, and I’ve started playing/streaming heroes of the storm. It’s nice to just chill out and play some video games with friends again, it’s been a bit. Also I’m about to start a Pathfinder campaign with some friends where I’m the DM.

Alright so, the first time I got drunk, like many, this happened in college for me. I never really did anything in high school. Never smoked cigarettes or weed. The only time I ever drank in high school was a little bit on new years from what my mom would give me. I guess college was a bad influence on me, if you been reading for a bit, you might remember I started smoking in college as well.
20 February 2017
So I havn’t been working out as much as I have wanted. But the reason why is because I have been walking a fit amount. I guess that’s good enough. To go donate plasma alone, that’s a 40 minute walk one way, and I do that twice a week. Then the vape shop is about 40 minutes away, in the other direction, and I do that once or twice a week. I’ll admit I don’t want to work out, it’s not very fun. Also I’ll admit I only worked out once last week. I didn’t want to work out the day of or before donating plasma.

Well whatever I still feel like I'm making some progress, better than nothing. Also I have put on a little weight, maybe 5ish pounds. I think that’s because I’m eating more cause I’m exercising. Maybe I should try working out for longer, and just walk slower, that way I burn more fat instead of just working off my current energy supplies. I don’t know. But it is kinda fun trying to figure out what works and what doesn’t.
19 February 2017