The Blogs

Well, today was another rough day. Feeling better now, but had a few bad hours. We were working today, continuing this huge ticket we have been working on for a week, and it all just started to feel overwhelming. That feeling just kinda cascaded onto all the other anxieties we have been working hard on suppressing. Just one problem collapsed on another mentally and started having a bit of a panic attack. It started to subside for a bit, spent some time focusing on calming down and letting go of that anxiety. But then it came back harder.

It’s a difficult thing to talk about, even with people we are closer to. On one hand, we feel like talking about them gives them more weight, and we are trying to discard those needless worries. On the other hand, talking about them could be good and helpful. We are unsure how to balance that, and still trying to figure it out. Which, ironically enough, feels like anxiety itself.
05 December 2019
Alright! Let’s talk about more than 4 lines of code this time. We have been taking a break from coding and writing for a bit. Slowly easing back into it. Rest time is important, next time we just need to find a better balance. Oh but heads up, next week our mom is coming in for like 2.5 weeks and we will have our child over for like a week and a half this month, probably going to miss a few days here and there :3 Okay so first up, let’s start with the navigation!

<BSPagination Class="paging fixed-top mx-5">
04 December 2019
Alright, it’s code talk time! This last week has been rough. Just with everything going on it’s been stressing us out. But we were able to talk to some people and it helped us feel reconnected. That out of the way :3 let’s get into the code! So the fun part about this is that we can explain code on this very page! We can just go over the blog post page itself. Oh, by the way, we made the repo public!

@page "/blog/{Id:int}"
01 December 2019
Well not much happened today. Just worked and then spend like an hour or so on the website. Most of it was just doing code cleanup, although got tab to display what type of blog is currently selected. Next up is to get filtering by date, then get next/prev button on the post pages themselves. Continuous work in progress, just like us. So sense had a pretty boring day, let’s go into the whole plural thing. Well guess it’s more of a story to show out we came to this conclusion.

Well let’s start when this whole thing started. Back when I was a child, on some level, I knew I was female. But everything just kinda became too much for me. Moved to a different state when I was 9, moved away from everyone I knew. The place we moved to was some small rural town. So with that, there was the social stress of, not knowing anyone going into middle school, kids being mean to the “weird” outsider, no one really knew about trans stuff, or LGBT in general. Mom didn’t really know anything either. On top of that, my whole life up to that point and beyond, most family liked to remind me how I was the first male in two generations, basically putting the family name 100% on me.
26 November 2019
Oh jeez, did not write all weekend, honestly, barely even wrote code. Although, did get paging working pretty good! Would talk about that, but just need to like, rant. Going to social events and parties is so fucking draining. Social life has been a total fucking wreck this last month. Don’t even know where to start with all that though. Already talked about the adderall. Not even sure what to cover first, but jeez just need to ramble ;_;

First night on adderall was hanging out with boss/best friend. Well former, but we will get to that part. Can’t give full context because not okay sharing personal details of others. But we were hanging out and talking, pretty deep emotional conversations. Asked her if could share something really terrifying in life right now.
25 November 2019
Oh hello there o/ had a busy day. Need to get this out quick so can go sleep. Had electrolysis today, it was pretty rough. For some reason, maybe being dehydrated or something, it hurt extra bad today. While there the electrologist invited me to this trans dinner thing she hosts like once a month. At the time wasn’t sure if was a good idea to go or not. Knew that it would be a good thing to get out of the house. While had a good time and got along with some people, it means that didn’t hit 40 hours. Going to have to do 3-4 hours of work this weekend, not that big of a deal though.

22 November 2019
Well it sure has been a while since an update was posted, hasn't it? About a year in fact! oh boy has it been, turbulent, to put it lightly. If you weren't aware, started transitioning at the beginning of the year. E day was 3/21, so it’s been 8 months! It’s been really great. But oh boy has a lot happened. Don’t think going to go too much into that today though, save it for an end of the year post. Ohh might do an end of the decade post too! So instead, let’s talk about some more recent events, and what is planned to follow!

So about a month ago started taking adderall. For the last like 3-4 years been going hard on mental health. Each mile stone hasn’t felt very major though. Started taking prescribed medication regularly, dealt with the pain of ex partner leaving, started working at a programming job again, started exercising more, started transitioning, had a really emotionally supportive friend. But there were still problems happening. For the last few months haven't been working as hard/good as needed to.
21 November 2019
So it's been a while... Sorry about that. Got really burned out on programming between work and trying to do this. Good news though, I'm back! I think I made some good progress today as well. I mostly finished the fog of war system, and got basic Enemy Ship Movement working with some path finding. For the fog of war I'll have to deal with the fact that at some point the bad guys won't be black dots. Oh well, Progress!

04 November 2018
Alright, good news! Finally started streaming game programming again. I only did an hour and half, but it's a start. I also didn't get much done, I spent half of the stream fucking around with Unity trying to remember how it works. There was also a bit of time I was getting pissy with how 0,0 is the center of the screen, but whatever, just need to get used to it. There is this grid and tileset thing in Unity, I tried messing with it, but made no headway. Luckily a viewer on stream linked me a youtube video and after streaming I watched part of the video then looked up some stuff about it.

Anyways, so what did I work on today? I pretty much only worked on the Overworld generation. Just the basics though, adding water and island tiles to the game. I ended up slowly bringing down the amount of land tiles compared to the water ones. I started off at 50/50, then made it so all the edges are water, then made it so land could only have water around it, finally made it to about 1 in 9 or 10 tiles are land. Here's the code:
16 July 2018
Sorry I haven't posted in a few days, I've been pretty busy. Out of no where my ex-wife told me she needed 250 dollars for daycare by Monday, she told me this Thursday night. Anyways, I managed to finish my alarm clock program! If you want to install it, you can find the MSI here just click the download button. Also if it wasn't clear from previous posts, this will only work on window computers. Also I start my new job tomorrow, so that's pretty great. I'm also going out on Tuesday to the a nickle aracde. Looking like this is going to be a good week.

Anyways, let's get into the code. Last time I posted some stuff about making a popup for alarms, well I moved that to a next window like I said I would.
29 April 2018